2024 was a tough year, I fought many silent battles, I dug myself out of the deep dark depths of depression, I grieved more than I ever have in my life. I attempted to fill the void in my heart with people, places and things; only to realize in October that I needed to heal so much of my soul. I deep dived into some internal healing and have been working hard at it since. Don't get me wrong, I've been healing all year, actively in therapy, joining support groups, journaling, and reading but something was off. I was off... I was lost and confused and trying to find myself all year long. Amongst all the grief, I had some joyous moments. Not all of them pleasant but I created memories to last a lifetime and that is what I'm learning life is all about. It's not about all the things; it's about the people in our life we do the things with. It's not about all the stuff we get; it's about experiences and memories. My outlook on life has changed immensely in the past few months and I'm really hoping that 2025 is a little gentler on many of us.
Nonetheless, let me share some of my 2024 experiences and memories with you.
January
Fiona and I experienced our first snow up in Sonora. It was absolutely beautiful to watch from a far and soak up mother nature's blessings
February
We said our final farewell to Tim. We had people come from all over to pay their respects and share their love for my soulmate. We celebrated his birthday that month as well, which was why I chose the time frame I did for his final farewell. I'm thankful and grateful for the people by my side during this extremely difficult time.
My nephew and brother in law made sure I had a valentine gift this year. It melted my heart to no end. I'm so appreciative of Tim's family always loving me. Shoutout to my SIL, BIL and Nephew!
Sadie and I took a couple trips to grammie and papas house before they moved.
We made our regular trip out to Texas to spend time with our girl. Creating memories... as many as humanly possible while she fought a good fight.
We went to a tea party that was so fun and all wore Elizabeth's favorite... floral!
March
Dad joined me at my very first vendor event for Home Team Creations
My meditation practices became a struggle due to all the noise in my head
April
Our hearts broke some more with the passing of Elizabeth. We traveled back to Texas for her Celebration of Life. Life can be so unfair sometimes.
We all made sure to wear something floral just for her. She actually requested this and we always wanted to make her final wishes come true.
May
I took a gamble at a couple more vendor events for Home Team Creations.
Despite the rainy day, my biggest supporters still showed up. We made the best of it with some good ol fashion puddle jumping and giggles. Creating memories.
I attended my first MoPride Event as a vendor with Home Team Creations here in Modesto. It was a very busy month for us.
So many beautiful people joined me in creating notes of hope for the nonprofit to line the bridge this upcoming year.
I was invited to attend the Stanislaus Teachers Appreciation event and share my knowledge about mental health and spread the word about Home Team Creations mission.
June
I set up my last vendor event of the season at one of our favorite family places, Tracy Wildlife on Father's Day Weekend. They had an amazing car show and some talented vendors to enjoy the day.
I finished my memory alter... my heart was heavy as I realized just how many people we have lost over the years. I light a candle as often as possible and remember them for the memories we created and the good times we shared.
June 26th, 2024 marked one year since Tim departed this earth. I stayed in bed all day and reminisced about our amazing 12 years together.
July
I got to spend a lot of time with this wild child nephew of mine. He is the definition of pure joy. Watching him grow through life is a blessing and having him around saved my soul many times.
I got to take him to swim lessons where he has become quite the little fish. Auntie Kiki was so proud of him (considering I was a competitive swimmer for many years)
August
Our boy turned the big TWO and we took him to see real life Monster Trucks in San Francisco. He loves swinging with mommy and grammie!
I also got an experience of a lifetime to meet two of my fellow widow sisters. We met online in a support group and just instantly bonded. What makes us so unique from other widows? We lost our spouses one month apart, to the day. Pretty sure it's connected our souls for life. They came to California and we enjoyed as much as we could together!
We did a little tribute to our guys at the lake. Listening to sweet songs and releasing some flowers in their honor.
We got symbolic matching tattoos that will be with us forever
September
Home Team Creations held our very first Serenity Wellness Retreat up in the beautiful scenery of Twain Harte. My mom, sister and myself are the heart and soul behind this movement and we had an experience of a lifetime, while creating a peaceful, support place for our women to heal and be loved on.
The floating sound bath may have been my second favorite event of the weekend
Pictured below are some of the strongest, loving, compassionate women I've ever had the experience to spend time with. I'm grateful they were part of our first ever retreat and the support that surrounded the weekend was beautiful. I'm thankful for each and every single one of them.
October
Fortunate enough to meet this gem, Hilary. We met over TikTok and instantly connected as we both had lost our spouses. I was blessed to be able to join her as she did her final farewell and celebration of life for her sweet wife Jayme. It truly makes a difference when you have someone to share these hardships with.
November
I turned the big FORTY this year. Although it looked and felt very different, I managed to survive with my tribe by my side. These are my ride or cry sisters and I couldn't do life without them.
December
We celebrated Christmas in Mom and Dads new house. I'm so excited for this next chapter for them. The holiday season has been hard on me to say the least but I'm so fortunate to have family that love me and support me unconditionally We are all learning as we go but one thing is certain, we couldn't do it without each other. .
This holiday season looked different for many but creating memories was all we wanted to do. Starting new traditions and loving on the people that love us.
Internally 2024 was a struggle for me but I'm grateful for the people that never gave up on me, the people that constantly checked on me and the people that loved me unconditionally. I'm learning how to navigate this new life and it is far from easy but with people like this by my side; anything is possible. I can do hard things.
Commentaires