After I wrote my last blog about being failed by a specific “mental health” facility, I had so much anger in me. I am resentful towards them clearly (and many others), and I don’t see that feeling going away anytime soon. However, I was able to reflect a little bit and had a nice chat with a sweet friend of mine and decided to turn the bad emotions into something good (or at least give it a try). I do not regret my previous post nor will I be taking it down. They are facts and sadly that facility hurt many people and their families, I shared my experience and feelings and I’m now closing my chapter on Casa Recovery. They failed us and many others but there isn’t anything I can actually do about it (directly at least).
So, I figured, instead of “exposing” all these businesses that have failed not only us but many others, I need to take my anger and frustration and use it for good, redirect the energy. I don’t like to carry negative energy anymore, it still happens sometimes but it’s not a place my soul likes to be in. I can still have my voice be heard just in a more positive way. I’ve done a lot of work these past two years to find peace in my soul and I refuse to let our broken system take that away from me.
I took to the internet to see what good I could do… I want to desperately make a difference in our mental health system I just know that it’s not something that happens overnight. There are many people already fighting for better care, I’d like to be one more. A way to make sure our loved ones suffering are being heard. A way to make sure they are getting the proper care and not just prescriptions upon prescriptions. To create awareness within our communities about how important of a topic this is. Then beyond our communities, I’d like to take it one step further… one day at a time.
With that said, I have signed up for two events to volunteer my time to. One will be with NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) and the other will be AFSA (American Foundation of Suicide Awareness). I have to start somewhere and I thought these two organizations are right up my ally with what I’m going through.
I’ve been a part of NAMI for several years now and involved in their family support group they hold weekly by Zoom. It’s a great group for anyone who has a family member or friend with a mental illness. They provide not only support but classes too on how to better understand your loved one and what they are going through. They have great literature and sometimes it’s nice to know you aren’t alone. Whether you’re a spouse, a parent, a caregiver, friend, etc. It’s a great place to get a little bit of comfort and knowledge. A few months prior to Tim’s passing, he had started working with NAMI doing presentations at local High Schools and what it’s like living with a mental illness. He was always so compassionate and generous for others and I’d like to carry out what he started. He may be gone but his story will continue. *I’ll add the NAMI link at the end of this.
Then there’s the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I came across them when I was looking for a support group. Suicide prevention and awareness had never really been on my list of things to do before so this was the first time hearing about them. I dove right in, reading their mission, reading all they’re doing and trying to do and I immediately knew, this is it, this is an organization I want to be a part of. I was connected with our local Central Valley Chapter and I’ll be helping them run an event booth at the Junior College here in town. I know once I meet everyone in person, it’s going to fill my heart with so much joy and hopefully a bit of healing. Today, I decided to sign up to be a Volunteer Advocate for the Public Policy Team. I didn’t even think twice when I saw what it entailed… getting involved in legislation, events at the Capitol, spreading the word and my story about the importance of mental health and suicide prevention. Put me in coach! *I will also link this at the bottom
Some people may think I’m avoiding the grieving process by propelling myself into things so early. Some may think I’m not allowing myself the time to go through grief. Fact is, I go through grief every single day. Some days I can’t even get off the couch because my heart and soul is so heavy. I see three different therapists a week, I’m in intense treatment for PTSD/Trauma (more on this next time) and I attend support groups. Some days I can get up and be productive, a lot of days I cannot. We all grieve in our own way, on our own time. There is no right or wrong way. Some can bounce back after a few months, however, most take a year or more before they start to feel “lighter”. I don’t know how long my healing journey will be… I do know I’m going to miss my husband for the rest of my life. I also know that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t shed a tear for him. It's all very heavy.
If I can put myself out there to help spread awareness and share our story… I’m going to do it every chance I get. If our story can make a difference to just one person, that’s all that matters. Try to use your energy for good, not bad. This can be hard sometimes but it’s all about progress and not perfection.
I leave you with the famous: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
NAMI: https://namistanislaus.org/ (This is for the Stanislaus Chapter but they are offered in every county and you can select from a list for where you live)
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/
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