This phrase can mean so many things. When I think about survival mode, I think about doing what we have to, in order to keep going. It’s also described as: When you are living in an extremely busy season of your life where you can only focus on getting through the day. You focus on just getting by putting one foot in front of the other. Medium and long term goals are the furthest from your thinking at the moment* (*Reference at the bottom of the page)
I feel like I’ve been in survival mode the last few years and especially these last six months. I wake each morning with so much intent for the day but usually half way through I realize, I just need to focus on the now, what can I do right now? Often I’m trying to distract myself from the inevitable, trying to keep my brain and my body moving in some fashion because if I stop, I will break. I’ve been on this forward movement path; trying so hard to grasp reality, while trying to avoid it at the same time.
I’ve been so day to day that I can’t believe it’s even been six months since Tim passed. I’ve been so focused on getting through one day at a time, that I’ve lost track of time. I miss him everyday, ... but can't keep track of what day it is. Where has the time gone? It feels like yesterday and forever ago all at the same time. However, I know that day to day is OK right now. I know what I have in front of me and on my plate, it’s OK to just be. I know that I won’t always be like this (I mean, if you really know me you know I’m a planner lol) but maybe it’s not so bad for a while. Maybe it’s OK to say, ‘I’m not sure how I’ll feel can I get back to you?’, or ‘I know I said I wasn’t coming but do you mind if I still stop by?’. These are becoming part of my vocabulary and I’m fortunate to those who have been flexible with my inconsistency and uncertainty.
Survival mode can be scary because you’re just trying to get through and often barely hanging on. This isn’t just towards grief either. It can be a parent, trying to get kids to drop off, work, pick up, sports and then home for dinner. It can be a career driven person who has deadlines, clients to handle and big project targets to meet. Maybe a business owner just focusing on today because looking any farther is frightening and stressful. Survival mode shouldn’t be forever. Hopefully you can notice when your body and mind is in that mode and take the right steps to at least try and make it a little easier.
I’ve noticed more people have been saying things to me recently like; ‘It’s nice to see you happy’, ‘it’s good to see you smile again’, ‘I’m glad you’re getting out’ but what they don’t see is what happens if I don’t. I smile because I don’t know what else to do, I get out when I have to and I’m happy in very small increments. However, what choice do I have? I must keep going. I must keep smiling. I must keep trying to normalize whatever this new life is. I just have to figure it out on my own in my own time. Right now, that’s one day at a time. Trying to manage my stress while living day to day. Trying to keep moving forward but know getting stuck sometimes is OK too. I’ll forever keep trying because my only other option would be to give up and I just can’t do that. My life has forever changed but I can try with every being in my body to just keep going, rest if I must but keep going.
Below I’m linking some articles and references regarding survival mode. I’m also including a Therapy Portal that I found a couple great therapists through (Marriage Therapist and Grief Therapist).
Now... let me show you what survival mode has been looking like for me.
Had to sage my new redesigned space
Launched Home Team Creations - A mental health awareness brand
Finding a slice of sunshine while out with the family
Cleansing and grounding my soul in the rain
Keeping Tim's voice and purpose alive as much as I can
Leaning heavily on this one to help guide me through
This is what happens if I stop... the waves come crashing
Slowly preparing for Tim's gathering
Eating my feelings at a Cajun Soul Food Restaurant
Wandering thoughts, tunnel vision driving (Don't recommend)
Somehow, maintaining my sobriety
Advocate Advocate Advocate!
Survival Mode References:
Therapy References:
If you don’t mind video sessions, I highly recommend Headway to search for a Therapist. They have a variety of Therapists and even some local as well if you don’t like the video sessions (I just found there is much more availability for appointments if you can do video). You’re able to search by categories of what you’re experiencing (for me: Grief, PTSD, Depression, etc.), and then view their profiles, credentials and bio.
I'm so proud of you for shining a light in a dark place; for keeping it real; and for doing the hard thing. Hugs!! 💜💜
I never new about survival mode I just knew I couldn’t quit💕💕